Why I am an Obstacle to Cooperation and Potentially a GCR
In addition, I really struggle to be charitable toward my brothers in Christ. I want to see myself as better, smarter, etc than others. I tend to distrust others. So, I struggle to give the benefit of the doubt to my brother, or I want to critique their theology. I know that not all disagreement is bad, but when I disagree often I do it without charity. And my instinct is to respond by ripping someone apart in my mind or on a blog because I want to lift myself up and put him or her down. I really struggle being charitable to others, probably because I want to exalt myself and not truth. I have an idol in my life and it is me. And so I struggle to cooperate.
Also, I am a territorial person. I want the seminaries/churches/ministries that my family and I are connected with to get ample resources and respect.
In addition, I tend to buck against cooperation and want to drill holes in the GCR because it is easier for me to be skeptical and a critic and not get my hopes up for better cooperation or a GCR. That way I will never be left looking silly if things don’t progress. Plus, it is easier for me to criticize and “poke holes” than it is to be a part of a solution that might fail.
So ultimately, what I am saddened over in my own life is that I love myself. I want to increase and not decrease. I want the glory and that makes me an obstacle to cooperation and change. I need to repent and I desperately need the grace and mercy of God in crucifying my flesh. I want to be a person of humility, charity, and Christlike character (Phil. 2 for example). And I want to be someone who cooperates with other brothers and sisters so that the fame of Christ would spread throughout the earth. My only problem is I want my fame attached with it.
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